Pain: An Inevitable Cure

January 22, 2024January 22, 2024 by Rubu Yari

I see a faint glimmer of brightness in my dog’s face as I clean it with a damp towel. It warmed my heart for a while. Joy moves us, but pain has a unique way of shaping us. As Dean Koontz puts it, “Pain is a gift. Humanity without pain would neither know fear nor pity. Without fear, there could be no humility and every man would be a monster.” or as Philip Yancey stressed on the necessity of pain in volumes of books he wrote centered on the role of pain in our lives. In his book ‘Where is God when it hurts?’ He explores pain in all forms – physical, emotional, and spiritual – and explains its necessity. According to Yancey, without pain in any of its forms, we could never discern right from wrong or healthy from unhealthy. Pain serves as sensors that allow us to discern and guide our path.

Experiencing pain in various ways has shaped me in ways joy never could. Not only me, but I have also witnessed my father-in-law transform into a different person when my mother-in-law underwent chemotherapy for breast cancer. He would often lift his head and flash a bright smile at us, which was unlikely of him. Then, losing an aunt to cancer, along with the accompanying feelings of sorrow, frustration and hopelessness, made me more accepting of the news that was yet to come – my Ato’s (grandpa’s) death from yet another cancer. With all these, and while also being engulfed in my own personal battles had pushed me to seek something beyond merely surviving life. Running towards the snow-capped mountains was the first step.

Pain comes in all shapes and sizes (not that it has a shape). Some pain come with a little sting in the chest, some paralyzes, and some come with no reason or fault of the sufferer. But why do people seem to transform – for better or for worse – more profoundly through suffering than through happiness? Why is pain often a precursor to success? Why can’t joy have the same transformative power over a person’s behaviour or character? Why did God give pain this authority? Are we so fixated on joy that a slight touch of pain can evoke a more intense reaction compared to happiness? Or is this the result of our inherent design? Has society failed us by putting joy as life’s ultimate goal instead of acknowledging pain as an integral part of life?

I ponder on these questions from time to time. However, the more I delve into this topic the more I see the role of pain in one’s success. Only pain is able to bring forth understanding, empathy, wisdom, adaptability, mercy, strength, resilience, confidence and more. And happiness? A temporal feeling in the midst of sufferings around us. I don’t renounce happiness, I love it and deeply yearn for it 24/7, like a drug I’m addicted to. But happiness is a feeling that we begin to love and appreciate EVEN MORE when there is pain. Isn’t it? So “pain” has a role in elevating our happiness too. It’s funny.

Prying on my past, I have experienced happiness and sorrow (who hasn’t?). Some wounds remain unhealed and certain wrongs can never be rectified. Yet, I can never imagine the pain of a person afflicted by war. Nevertheless, I would say that the worst things were the best codes that cracked the good and bad out of me and some grey areas too. This reminds me of a scene from a hilarious movie, ‘Kungfu Hustle’. A striking blow from the villain cracks the chi out of the hero and soon enough the hero defeats the villain.

Over the years, my understanding has deepened with the onset of suffering that came from various directions, though- in my opinion- I have only scratched the surface of understanding what pain is. Pain is uncomfortable, yet empathy and understanding is born out of it, provided we allow it to shape us in this direction, or we could turn into grudge-holding monsters reeking havoc for ourselves and others around us.

I am grateful for the good memories, yet I must begrudgingly acknowledge and thank the bad memories despite their lingering sting. They are my teachers that has shaped me into the person I am today.

Pain is unpleasant. I hate it and I’ll never vouch for it, but I can’t deny that it has strengthened my character and with the right character anything might be possible. Just saying.